Sex Under The Weather – Podcast

Sex Under The Weather

This week on the podcast we focused on how to navigate sex when you’re feeling physically or emotionally under the weather or low, as many people do over the Winter period. Well we focused on that after we did a whole silly introduction where we were doing valley girl voices because we’d just listened to Frank Zappa’s song Valley Girl!

Once we got serious we pointed out that many people get bugs at this time of year, and/or find they’re more blue than usual. Those with chronic mental and/or physical health conditions can often find they’re exacerbated, for example pain becoming worse due to the cold, or the long nights leading to low mood.

Whatever impact this has on your sexual, erotic or sensual desires is absolutely fine. For many people being less than 100% means that they feel less of these things. For example, people who usually enjoy sex might not want any sex, or asexual people who usually enjoy some physical contact might find that too much. However, for other people it can work the opposite way and they can feel more horny or physical when they’re sick or feeling down, perhaps because it can be a good pain reliever, or give them a break from tough feelings. Of course it may also be that we feel increased desire at some points and decreased desire at others.

We pointed out that because our definition of ‘sex’ is very broad, these kinds of time can actually be a good opportunity to explore different things in solo and/or partnered sex. Perhaps such times give you a good reason – if you feel you need it – to explain to a partner that you want to do something different to usual. We may find that due to rough physical or emotional experiences we’re actually more tuned in to our bodies and feelings, and more slowed down and able to be present to what’s going on. For example, you might want to try a more relaxing position, or more or less intense sensations (if you’re feeling raw or numb), or a different activity – like having somebody run you a bath or massage you – which could be done in a sensual way, or more as a service-style kink activity.

We also acknowledged that we’re not trying to say that physical or emotional health problems are some kind of great thing! It’s important to recognise that they may well bring with them lots of frustration, sadness, and probably loss for the things that are not possible for us, particularly if the condition is chronic and/or those things were important parts of our identities. It’s important to be present also to those difficult feelings and it can be useful to try to remain open to the experiences that may happen because of the changes in your physical and/or emotional capacity. It goes back to a common theme of ours that approaching encounters or relationships in a way that’s open to

We also acknowledged that we’re not trying to say that physical or emotional health problems are some kind of great thing! It’s important to recognise that they may well bring with them lots of frustration, sadness, and probably loss for the things that are not possible for us, particularly if the condition is chronic and/or those things were important parts of our identities. It’s important to be present also to those difficult feelings and it can be useful to try to remain open to the experiences that may happen because of the changes in your physical and/or emotional capacity. It goes back to a common theme of ours that approaching encounters or relationships in a way that’s open to what might unfold and where we might be at is often more rewarding than having a specific goal in mind, whereby you feel good if it happened (but pressured about it) and bad if it doesn’t.

What might unfold and where we might be at is often more rewarding than having a specific goal in mind, whereby you feel good if it happened (but pressured about it) and bad if it doesn’t.

We ended the podcast with a shoutout to a couple of people who do great material around sex and disability – something that all of us can learn from all of the time, and perhaps particularly when we’re under the weather. Here are the links…

Disability After Dark

The Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability

MJ also mentioned the book How to be Sick which they found very useful during periods of pain, sickness, and fatigue this year.

© Meg-John Barker & Justin Hancock, 2017